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Building a Foundation for Secure Relationships: A Journey Within

affection attachment attachment repair attachment styles autonomy balance change connection empathy rewiring attachment secure attachment self love Nov 24, 2023
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As women, our relationships play a crucial role in our lives. Be it our partners, children, or work colleagues, the quality of these connections shapes our mental, emotional, and even physical health.

However, when we suffer from insecure attachment, it can wreak havoc on the bonds we have with others. But, the good news is that no matter where we are in life or what our attachment style may be, we can cultivate healthy relationships if we invest in our inner selves first. We can build a secure foundation for all our relationships if we're willing to take a journey deep within and engage our story at its core.

Every secure relationship encompasses the following essential components. To help you embark on this journey, we have curated a collection of valuable tips and advice.



Autonomy means having a sense of independence and control over our lives. It’s important to understand that we are our own person and have our own needs, wants, and goals. We need to honor our individuality, and that starts by setting boundaries and saying “no” when necessary. It may seem counter-intuitive, but when we respect ourselves, we teach others to do the same. It sets the tone for healthy relationships that are based on mutual respect, not co-dependency.



Acceptance means that we embrace all parts of ourselves, the good, the bad, and the ugly. It means we acknowledge our insecurities and own our mistakes without blaming or shaming ourselves. When we accept ourselves, we become more comfortable in our own skin, and we become less needy for external validation. In turn, this allows us to be more accepting of others, and we become better listeners and communicators.



Security means feeling safe and protected in our relationships. It’s not just about physical safety, but emotional safety, too. We need to feel that our emotions and vulnerabilities will be met with empathy and compassion, not criticism or ridicule. When we know our loved ones have our backs, we are more likely to take risks and explore our potential. It also means that we can trust our instincts when choosing partners and avoid relationships that are harmful or toxic.



Empathy means being able to put ourselves in another person's shoes and see things from their perspective. It's about understanding their emotions and needs and being able to respond in a compassionate way. When we cultivate empathy, we become better partners, parents, and colleagues. We learn how to communicate more effectively and resolve conflicts in a more constructive way. It’s not about sacrificing our own needs for others but finding a healthy balance that benefits everyone.



Affection is about showing love and tenderness, not just through physical touch, but also through words and actions. It's about being kind and gentle to ourselves and others.

Self-affection can be a soothing balm for emotional wounds and can foster a sense of inner peace and contentment. For instance, we can be affectionate towards ourselves by practicing self-care, such as taking a relaxing bath, reading a book, or simply spending some time alone in nature. See these activities as life-giving, not indulgent, and steps toward making your emotional needs a priority. We can't give the world our best, and ourselves the rest.

Another way to show affection to ourselves is by using positive affirmations. These are kind words that we say to ourselves, like "I am worthy", "I am enough", or "I am loved". They can help to boost our self-esteem and create a positive self-image. Affection, when manifested through these simple yet profound self-love exercises, can provide a solid foundation for building secure relationships.


Connection is about bonding, sharing experiences, and creating memories together with people whom we resonate with, those who "get us." It's about learning to be(attuned) to each other during challenging times and cheering each other on during the good times. and being present.

To build lasting connections, it's essential to prioritize and schedule time for meaningful interactions. This could be through regular video calls, coffee dates, shared activities, or simply enjoying a quiet evening together. During these moments, ensure to be fully present, listen actively, and share openly.

Take time to express genuine appreciation and gratitude for the other person. This could be through words of affirmation, thoughtful gestures, or small acts of kindness. A simple message saying, "I appreciate you," or "I'm grateful for our friendship," can go a long way in deepening our bonds with those we resonate with. Remember, it's the repeated, consistent actions that build lasting connections, not grand, sporadic gestures. 


Building a foundation for secure relationships requires inner work. By investing time and effort into developing autonomy, acceptance, security, empathy, affection, connection, and support within ourselves, we create a solid foundation for strong connections with others. It’s not about being perfect but acknowledging that we are all works in progress. When we embrace our imperfections, we become more authentic and relatable, and this allows us to build deeper and more meaningful relationships with others.


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