Updated: Jun 11
Attachment is the bond or connection that you have with your primary caregivers. This one relationship shaped your brain and gave you a model of how you will see the world. According to therapist, Adam Young, it shaped your:
ability to regulate your emotions (calming yourself)
ability to be aware of your emotions
ability to rebound from distress, harm or tragedy
style of relating to others throughout your life
Attachment Theory was first developed by scientists who wanted to study why some children are willing to jump into the world, while others are fearful or anxious. What happens when the first three years are full of chaos or unpredictability? How does their environment change a child? They discovered that there are four basic attachment styles of children: secure, avoidant, anxious/ambivalent, and disorganized. One of the best resources I have found on this topic is at Adam Young's Podcast: The Place We Find Ourselves starting at Episode 5. I cannot tell you how wonderful I find his insight and podcast and share it with everyone. You will not be disappointed.
As an educator, I see that healing attachment wounds as essentials for those working with children so that we can love them more fully.
When we love a person, we accept him or her exactly as is: the lovely with the unlovely, the strong with the fearful, the true mixed in with the façade, and of course, the only way we can do it is by accepting ourselves that way.