Attachment: Our First Encounter with Love
Updated: Aug 11, 2020
Have you ever wondered why you are anxious about your friendships or relationships? Do you shy away and avoid emotional connection? Perhaps you have a deep fear of abandonment and rejection? Maybe there's a sense that if you asked for what you needed, it would go unheard. Our deepest fears and insecurities are rooted in our attachment wounds.
"As children, we internalize our parent's availability."
Dr. Mariel Buquè
What do all children need from their parents?
Ability to regulate their arousal
Strong enough to handle negative emotions
Willingness to repair
If we do not receive these six things, then we will end up insecure attachment.
Insecure attachment styles include Avoidant, Anxious/Ambivalence & Disorganized.
Each insecure attachment style has identifiable characteristics and "inner dramas" (inner working models).
Let's take a look at each one, including their inner working models and characteristics. Think back over your childhood, and ask yourself a few questions:
Were you dismissed as a child?
(unseen, ignored or lost)
Were you "parentified" as a child?
(the "little man"/Mommy's best friend/secret keeper/caregiver}
Therapist Adam Young posed these questions on his podcast, The Place We Find Ourselves, and make it easy for people to identify reasonably quickly: Avoidant or Ambivalent Attachment Styles. We will speak to Disorganized later, as it a mixture of the two.